A weighty issue

So I think it's pretty obvious to people who see me that I am not a thin person but I have felt a lot better about my weight this year. I have lost over 12 kilos in a year and kept that off for another year and that's a pretty big accomplishment for me, to keep weight off. I can lose weight easily if I diet but it's the keeping it off that I find difficult so I am proud of myself that I have managed to keep it off.

I know that my weight will be something I battle with my whole life and yet this week I literally threw my scales in the bin...why you may ask because lately I have been eating better and exercising and every time I feel good and can feel positive changes in my body, I then weight myself and get down on myself because the changes aren't showing on the scales. So I thought screw the scales, I will go on how my clothes fit and how I feel. I have been putting on and losing weight for over a decade now so I don't need a scale to tell me when I have put on weight, I can tell without a scale, I can feel it!

I have a friend of mine doing personal training for me and it's been going great and as much as I am sore from it, I feel so good from doing it. She was actually glad I threw out my scales. But my biggest issue to do with my weight is food. I love eating and I love eating too much of the things that make you not thin lol So I know that is the part I will struggle with all my life. I do try to eat healthy the majority of the time but I do fail at times and I also have an issue with emotional eating. These aren't excuses, it's just me being honest.

So I know even though I will always be striving to be healthy and fit, I will never be thin, not what society calls thin anyway. I really just want to be healthy and feel good within myself and to feel good in the clothes I wear. I have started to feel better about myself and hopefully it won't be too long to where I feel great about the way I look and confident in myself no matter what size I am.

It also doesn't worry me to write at this time I am a size 16, which I know is considered big but seeing as I use to be 18 to 20, size 16 feels pretty good compared to that. I am working towards getting to a size 14, and really going to try and get to that in the next year. There is no point in me aiming for something unrealistically like size 8 as to get to that I would basically not eat and that ain't never gonna happen lol Plus I could never give up chocolate completely.

A lot of people don't know I have had weight issues the majority of life, yes even when I was "thin". At school I was thin but that's because I exercised like a crazy person and didn't eat much. There were times I would skip meals and times I would punish myself if I thought I had eaten too much but exercising for hours afterwards. This is of course is not healthy for your body either. Ironically I thought I was fat in high school and yet when I look at the photos now I think oh my gosh how could I not realise how great I looked. It was because I thought I was so fat back then that I skipped meals and exercised like a crazy person and that is also the reason I have had problems with my knees since I was 15 and still continue to this day.

So there you have it a bit about my continued weight battle.