Closure is a funny thing....

So with all the news about Daniel Morcombe again this week, there has been a lot said about the Morcombe family finally getting closure. All this talk about closure always makes me feel...well....annoyed, because I don't think the media or society get it really.

I mean I can't speak for the Morcombe family, I can only speak for myself but for me when I heard the reports my heart went out to the family as I thought this will probably bring another wave of grief not closure. Let's face it court cases take a long time and then there is nothing to say this man will be found guilty. So even if they find Daniel, they will still have to live through the court case and whatever happens with that.

For me closure is a funny thing, it seems like society thinks of closure as something that just happens one day and that suddenly makes you all ok again after tragedy and loss.....and that makes no sense at all to me.

That closure means it is finished when lets face it, if you have a child die do you really think that one day you as a parent will think it's ok that they died and that will never bother you ever again...I mean seriously?

It's like the people who ask if you have got over it yet? (your baby/child dying) like that is something you can just get over....from my own experience it wasn't something I got over. I got through my grief, I walked through it, crawled through it, sometimes sat in a bawling mess through it. Taking things a day at a time, sometimes an hour, sometimes a minute. There were times it hurt so much I just wanted to die myself....but I made it through.

In truth time does help, in time the pain does lessen, in time you learn to smile and laugh again. It's hard work grieving and trying to find a way to get on with your life with a hole in your heart.

For me it's nearly 11 years down the track. Yes I am happy and yes I am living my life and I have two beautiful children who make life worth living.

The thing is the rational mind and the heart are two totally different things and two totally conflicting things in my experience. You can know something that is rational in your mind but the heart can have so much trouble accepting it. So even now out of the blue things can still feel like a knife in my heart when it comes to the loss of my baby son William. I can tell myself rationally that it's been a long time since I have lost him, that I have done hard work through my loss and I am now happy and living my life....but my heart still misses him and wishes he could still be here and I don't think that will ever go away and I am ok with that.

So does that mean I don't have closure....I think I have had closure it's just not society's definition of closure. I believe I have done well moving forward and living my life. But if by closure I am suppose to think it's ok that my son died and not feel sad about that ever again...well you can stick that closure up where the sun don't shine and I will stick to my verison as it's much easier to live with.

Anyway that's just some of my thoughts for today....