So with all the news about Daniel Morcombe again this week, there has been a lot said about the Morcombe family finally getting closure. All this talk about closure always makes me feel...well....annoyed, because I don't think the media or society get it really.
I mean I can't speak for the Morcombe family, I can only speak for myself but for me when I heard the reports my heart went out to the family as I thought this will probably bring another wave of grief not closure. Let's face it court cases take a long time and then there is nothing to say this man will be found guilty. So even if they find Daniel, they will still have to live through the court case and whatever happens with that.
For me closure is a funny thing, it seems like society thinks of closure as something that just happens one day and that suddenly makes you all ok again after tragedy and loss.....and that makes no sense at all to me.
That closure means it is finished when lets face it, if you have a child die do you really think that one day you as a parent will think it's ok that they died and that will never bother you ever again...I mean seriously?
It's like the people who ask if you have got over it yet? (your baby/child dying) like that is something you can just get over....from my own experience it wasn't something I got over. I got through my grief, I walked through it, crawled through it, sometimes sat in a bawling mess through it. Taking things a day at a time, sometimes an hour, sometimes a minute. There were times it hurt so much I just wanted to die myself....but I made it through.
In truth time does help, in time the pain does lessen, in time you learn to smile and laugh again. It's hard work grieving and trying to find a way to get on with your life with a hole in your heart.
For me it's nearly 11 years down the track. Yes I am happy and yes I am living my life and I have two beautiful children who make life worth living.
The thing is the rational mind and the heart are two totally different things and two totally conflicting things in my experience. You can know something that is rational in your mind but the heart can have so much trouble accepting it. So even now out of the blue things can still feel like a knife in my heart when it comes to the loss of my baby son William. I can tell myself rationally that it's been a long time since I have lost him, that I have done hard work through my loss and I am now happy and living my life....but my heart still misses him and wishes he could still be here and I don't think that will ever go away and I am ok with that.
So does that mean I don't have closure....I think I have had closure it's just not society's definition of closure. I believe I have done well moving forward and living my life. But if by closure I am suppose to think it's ok that my son died and not feel sad about that ever again...well you can stick that closure up where the sun don't shine and I will stick to my verison as it's much easier to live with.
Anyway that's just some of my thoughts for today....
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Today I am thankful for my friends
I realised something today, something good! I actually have quite a few friends at the moment, you know the in real life type friends not just facebook ones lol
It wasn't that many years ago where I felt like I literally had no real friends and boy was it lonely and a hard time. I know that over the years things have happened like friends moving away and I know I withdrew from most of my friends when Jack was little and I didn't know what was going on with him and so never knew what was going to set off a meltdown or behaviour. Thankfully he was diagnosed with Aspergers and could get early intervention and support and so he keeps on improving but he will always have Aspergers and have challenges, especially when it comes to social interaction.
Then of course my marriage break down happened and that was a really lonely and hard time for me. Thank God for my sister Sally and her partner Beth, without them both I seriously don't know how I will have made it through that time. The amount of time I rang Sal in tears because I was so lonely.
So I decided I needed to do something about it. I started by making friends with one of the other mum's at school. We are still friends and she is such a lovely lady. Her and her husband have been so great to me and my kids. They are really great with Jack and he loves them. It was nice to make friends with her too as she knew no one else in my life, so I knew I could totally trust her with things I said without her running to someone else and saying what I have said and that's has been a breath of fresh air in my life.
I have made a few more friends over the past couple of years. I am really grateful for them to. When I say friends, I mean the type you can ring and text, the type you go and do stuff with, like go to the movies, go out, go on playdates with your kids.
As lovely as facebook friends are, in real life friends that you can actually do stuff with are just awesome!
I have met some friends through karaoke that I am getting to know better and that has been great. Makes me love karaoke even more lol
I am actually quite a shy person and so making friends isn't something that comes easy to me, so it's great I have been able to and having the courage to put myself out there.
So even though I have been feeling a bit down about things at the moment and life can feel so complicated and messy, it's makes everything not feel so bad, knowing I have good friends who love me and support me and I love them and try and support them to.
It wasn't that many years ago where I felt like I literally had no real friends and boy was it lonely and a hard time. I know that over the years things have happened like friends moving away and I know I withdrew from most of my friends when Jack was little and I didn't know what was going on with him and so never knew what was going to set off a meltdown or behaviour. Thankfully he was diagnosed with Aspergers and could get early intervention and support and so he keeps on improving but he will always have Aspergers and have challenges, especially when it comes to social interaction.
Then of course my marriage break down happened and that was a really lonely and hard time for me. Thank God for my sister Sally and her partner Beth, without them both I seriously don't know how I will have made it through that time. The amount of time I rang Sal in tears because I was so lonely.
So I decided I needed to do something about it. I started by making friends with one of the other mum's at school. We are still friends and she is such a lovely lady. Her and her husband have been so great to me and my kids. They are really great with Jack and he loves them. It was nice to make friends with her too as she knew no one else in my life, so I knew I could totally trust her with things I said without her running to someone else and saying what I have said and that's has been a breath of fresh air in my life.
I have made a few more friends over the past couple of years. I am really grateful for them to. When I say friends, I mean the type you can ring and text, the type you go and do stuff with, like go to the movies, go out, go on playdates with your kids.
As lovely as facebook friends are, in real life friends that you can actually do stuff with are just awesome!
I have met some friends through karaoke that I am getting to know better and that has been great. Makes me love karaoke even more lol
I am actually quite a shy person and so making friends isn't something that comes easy to me, so it's great I have been able to and having the courage to put myself out there.
So even though I have been feeling a bit down about things at the moment and life can feel so complicated and messy, it's makes everything not feel so bad, knowing I have good friends who love me and support me and I love them and try and support them to.
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